Great Expectations

This week I've been pondering the human condition known as 'placing expectations on others.' Its a human trait that has been around since the dawn of time and has spawned such events as The Crusades, world wars, and electing George W. Bush. Whenever you hear a person saying, "why can't that other person do (insert activity or behaviour) a certain way," you are witnessing this human condition in action.
Everyone has experienced life in their own particular way, with their own influences and life lessons. People's experiences are like fingerprints in that no 2 people will ever go through life in exactly the same way. Therefore, we have learned what works and what doesn't work for us in various situations. This creates an intelligence that lets us know that we MUST have the answers when it comes to various problems.
But our life experience is just that - OURS. Its helpful sometimes to share what you've been through with someone in a similar situation in order to help them reach a decision or to cope, but they path they choose to take is entirely their own. Even my best friend, who I've known since Grade 5, doesn't need my input in order to make decisions. Even though we've shared many life experiences, her goals and rationale for decision making are much different than mine are.
I think of this even with my daughter. As parents we definitely tend to project our expectations on our children, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, sometimes a little understanding goes a long way. Even though I am raising my daughter, and I have been her primary influence since birth, I still don't know how she is emotionally and cognitively processing all the things she is learning, and therefore I don't REALLY understand her. In all likelihood she is a completely different personality than me, with priorities and agendas all her own (for instance maybe finishing her art project is much more important than cleaning her room).
Usually when we place our expectations on other people, we are doing so because we ultimately want to help them, and we believe that the best way to do so is to give them our road map. What it ACTUALLY does is drive people away, because when they feel that our solutions are inadequate (for them) they feel more distant from us instead of closer to us.
Its a quick fix really - love other people the way they are. If you have a friend who is constantly late, then you either love them AND their tardiness or you stop hanging around with them. Some people live 10 mintues past the due date because that has always worked for them in the past. If you have a child who consistantly repeats a pattern of behaviour that you don't understand, take the time to look at things from their point of view and try to see where they are coming from. If you have a spouse who has different priorities than you, talk about where you both want to be in the future - maybe you want the same destination but you journey differently. If you have a sibling who lives life in a completely foreign manner to you, Let. Them. Be. Even growing up in the same household doesn't automatically mean continuity of thought. Living life this way - keeping our expectations to ourselves - is a much more peaceful way to interact with others. Recognize your own strengths and weaknesses, and build on that. If you just can't bear to be around someone, then don't. Interfering will never make things better.